Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
