how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
