I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
