What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
