There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
