I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
