They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
