On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
