the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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