my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
