I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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