I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
