This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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