Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
