1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
