I will die if light touches me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
