don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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