I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
