i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
