Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
