If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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