Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
