I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
