Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
