No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
