all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
