the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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