Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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