We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
