We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
