Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
