....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
