I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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