I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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