just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
