Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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