Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize