She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
