Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
