Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
