You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
