I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
