Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
