fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
