Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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