after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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