READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
