I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This girl is more easily done than said...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
