I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
