dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
