He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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