a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
