There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
