Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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