We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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