I wish my penis had an off switch
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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