Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
