hotel room ftw
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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