pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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