I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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