On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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