Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize