This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
