I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
