Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
