moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
