I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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