Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
