State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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