You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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