Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
