Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
