My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
