you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
