Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
