I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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