Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize